Mind Games

Answer the following in 3 seconds .

What do you think of  Prashant and Jack from the following statements ? 

Prashant : Intelligent, smart, industrious, critical, stubborn , envious 

Jack        : Envious, stubborn, critical, industrious, smart, intelligent

If you are true to yourself , then like most of us, you have viewed Prashant more favourably than Jack.  But if you have taken more than 3 seconds to answer this, then you would have noticed that the adjectives are exactly the same ! But still 90% of us have concluded that Prashant is a better candidate !

Dear readers, our mind is a very very complex thing. 

Here , many things have come into play in the 3 seconds. One is called the "Halo Effect" and the other is called the "Recency effect" . The sequencing of the adjectives have proved to be vital. 

Our mind has believed and visualized the personality of the person after reading the first three adjective.  The "recency" of the words have cast a shadow on our mind and the Prashant got away with the "halo" created around him.  

This is a very subtle thing and in the office environment, this can make or break a person. 

As leaders , we should be aware of this and when we are judging any employee, we should ask ourselves, am I being directed by the mind to believe what I am hearing ? Am I hearing the correct thing ? Am I being fair ? 

A professor realized that when she is correcting the examination papers,  she tends to give marks which are homogenous. That is, if the first answer is very well written and the student got high marks, even if the second answer was not so great, the professor's mind said "How can he make such a mistake ? I am sure he was distracted ...".  So, the marks got influenced. 

Then she changed her method. She corrected the first answers of all the students and then the second answer of all the students and so on ... Though the correction took more time, she was satisfied that she had judged the students fairly without any bias. 

I will end this post with another question. 

Please answer this in 2 seconds . 

A bat and ball costs Rs 1.10

The bat costs one Rupee more than the ball.

How much does the ball cost ?

What number came to your mind ? I know, the number is 10 paisa. 

Sorry, it is the wrong answer. 

It is simple maths. If the bat costs one Rupee more than the ball and the ball costs 10 paisa, then the total cost will be Rs 1.20 ! 

The correct answer is 5 paisa !

The point I want to make is that, the number 10 came intuitively to us and it was wrong !

Leaders, let us be humble. Sometimes what comes instinctively to our mind is not correct. We have to take our minds in control and think rather than jumping to conclusions.  These are the situations where we should try not to be guided too much by our intuition , rather we should try to be more rational. 

 

Now that the performance appraisal season is soon approaching, can we look at these little things which matter, take our minds and intuition in control , try to be rational before judging anyone ? 

Remember,  for you it might be a small mistake (if you realize it later), but for the person on the other side of the table, it means a lot.  

It is his future, his self pride, his self confidence. 

Take care .  

Be Fair !

The Three Dolls

I am a great fan of the wit of Tenaliraman's  stories (See Wiki :TENALIRAMA). 

Apart from the humour and the wit, I gather a lot of  corporate lessons from these.  From this story we can gather two lessons. But this will be later in the post. First read the story. Here goes ...

The great king Krishna Deva Raya had a lot of wise ministers in his court. The wisest of them was Tenali Rama. One day, a merchant came to the king’s court.  He saluted the king and said, “Your Majesty, I have heard from many people that you have very wise ministers in your court. But with your permission, I would like to test the wisdom of your ministers.” 

"Go ahead " said the King. 

The merchant gave the king three dolls that looked identical. 

He said, “Though these dolls look similar, they are different in some way. If your ministers can find out the difference, I will bow to their wisdom. But if they can’t, I will assume that there are no wise ministers in your court. I will be back in seven days for the answer.”

Tenali Rama was sick and he was not available in the court.   At the end of three days, none of the ministers could figure out the difference. 

The king got worried and went to visit Tenali Rama . 

He said to him, “Tenali it is a matter of our honour now. Since no one has been able to find the solution, it is up to you now. You have to find the difference between these dolls.” 

The problem proved difficult for Tenali too, but at last, he was able to figure out the difference. 

He went to the court with the three dolls on the day that the merchant had to return. Then, he announced in front of the whole court that he had found the difference between the dolls. 

He said, “These three dolls are different because one of them is good, one average and one bad.” 

When everyone asked Tenali that which doll was which, he showed them a tiny hole that was present in the ears of each of the dolls. Then, he took a very thin wire and put it in the hole of the first doll’s ear. The wire came out from the doll’s mouth. He did the same with the second doll and the wire came out from the doll’s other ear. In the third doll,the wire went to the heart and did not come out.

"So , can anyone tell me which Doll is which ? " Tenali said

There was a minister in the court who was very jealous of Tenali Rama. 

He laughed derisively. 

"That's easy" he said . 

 “In the first doll, the wire went in through the ear and came out through the mouth. So, this doll is bad as it represents people who cannot keep a secret. In the second doll, the wire came out of the other ear. So, it is average and represents harmless people who do not understand what is said to them. The third doll, in which the wire went to the heart and did not come out, represents good people who will keep the secret that you tell them.”

The king, the merchant and all the courtiers were very impressed with this wise answer. He jealous minister beamed. 

Then Tenali said, “But there can be another explanation too. The first doll represents people who gain knowledge and spread it among others, so it is good. The second doll represents people who do not understand what they are taught, so it is average. The third doll represents people who have knowledge but keep it all to themselves. They do not teach anyone anything and so they are bad people "

The King smiled. The merchant smiled.

I gathered two insights from this story . 

We  see that there are always two sides of any analogy. The personality  of the person reflects through his thoughts. If you are crooked, your thoughts will be crooked and if you are straight and fair, your thoughts will be likewise. 

Second lesson is from Tenali Rama's explanation.  In our organizations, we look for the third kind of persons to be leaders. 

Leaders  who spread knowledge , grows himself and help others grow !

Cheers to Tenali Rama !

Teeny Weeny | Perspective

Sometimes you need to look at life from a different perspective....

Is Leadership in the Genes ?

I have been doing some reading on Genes and heredity. I find the subject to be fascinating.  How are we made ? What influences how we look, how we behave, how we interact ?

 Is it Genes or is it our experiences and upbringing ?

The debate of Nature vs Nurture  has been on since the last two centuries. The term “Nature vs Nurture” was first coined by Francis Galton (1869) , the second cousin of Charles Darwin.   

He theorized that parents transferred intelligence to their children, who in turn passed these intelligent-boosting genes down to their offspring. 

He argued that the ancestry and a person’s genes were responsible for the characteristics the person possesses. On the other side, the social learning theory says that how a person behaves can be linked to influences such as parenting styles and learned experiences. For example, a child might learn through observation and reinforcement to say 'please' and 'thank you.' 

Another child might learn to behave aggressively by observing older children engage in violent behavior on the playground. In his famous Bobo doll experiment, it was  demonstrated that children could learn aggressive behaviors simply by observing another person acting aggressively.

Galton was also the father of “Eugenics “.  “Eu” means good and “genics“ means race, stock, kins.  His revolutionary idea to improve the population by controlled breeding to increase the occurrence of desirable heritable characteristics. To make it simple, the theory of eugenics talks about elimination of the “weak”, the “bad” genetic traits by eliminating the “breeding “ of the negative people !  

Sounds terrifying … !  In the 1920’s the American Eugenics Society campaigned for the sterilization of men and women in psychiatric hospitals.  However the most chilling of all implications drawn from this view of the natural superiority of one race over another took place in the concentration camps of Nazi Germany.

Coming to think of it,  genes definitely has a major role to play in shaping up the constitution of a person – both physical and mental .  There have been experiments involving twins who have been separated at birth – they have been found to have eerily similar looks, physical traits like colour of the eyes, gait, hair, medical history and also their behavior patterns like their likes, dislikes, mental makeup, intelligence level etc .  Is it a mere coincidence that the famous litterateur Upendra Kishore Ray’s son was the famous author Sukumar Ray and his son was the famous author, filmmaker Satyajit Ray ? Similarly, is it just by chance that Collin Hanks , the son of Tom Hanks , is equally , if not better  actor ?

This brings me back to another age old debate : Is Leadership in the genes ? Some research say that leadership is found to be “hard-wired” in people till they reach their early twenties.  But similarly, many experiments have also shown that leadership can be nurtured by using suitable environment and reinforcement techniques.

It has been observed that families tend to have similarities in terms of individual family members moving into leadership positions.  Examples are  Presidents John F. Kennedy, George Bush, and others who have family members that have taken on leadership roles.  However, there is a problem of determining whether such communality is genetic or environmentally produced because families have both environments (e.g. similar wealth, educational opportunities, etc.) as well as genes in common—thus determining whether  leadership is caused by genetic or environmental factors is impossible to fathom.

For me,  as written in a few of my earlier posts, I go by instinct when I have to recruit a leader and while promoting a person to a leadership role, I go by my instinct as well as my observation. I find that if a person has succeeded in organizing and coordinating any game or an event successfully , he is a potential leader. If a person is open to feedback, has good comprehension ability,  good interpersonal skills , he has leadership in him/her.  If a person is not afraid of taking up challenges, appreciates others and has a good sense of humour, it accounts for his leadership genes.  

Though the ethical code of conduct in organizations do not permit asking questions about the heritage of the employee , but looking at the pace of change in the area of technology as well as the society, the day might not be too far off when looking up a potential leader thru an app (maybe) will tell us the full genealogy of the person , aiding the organization to take a decision whether to invest resources in him or not .

Will  “Survival of the fittest“ go to it's extremities and cast a societal holocaust as it did in Germany during Hitler ?

Scary , isn’t it ?

Different Strokes for 2017

Dear Readers, 

First of all I wish you a very happy , healthy , peaceful and productive New Year!

As I had written last January and maybe the January before that there is something about the first month of the year.  At least I feel so ! As if a brand new notebook has been gifted to me , its pages crisp and blank with the heavenly odour of the unopened and unwritten pages. 

It takes me back to my childhood when after the annual exams in December, before the Christmas vacation,  I got a new set of books for the next class.  I remember the feeling when I touched them every day,  opened them a little bit and peeped inside ...  fearing that if I opened it fully, it will get damaged. I poked my nose inside the tiny opening and smelled the books. 

Heavenly... I still can close my eyes and savour the nostalgia ....

Every year, the first week of January brings back the same feelings.  

12 new notebooks ... 365 pages ... crisp and clean ... for me to use !

It is up to me how I use them ... fill it up with junk or something valuable ... whether I keep them clean or whether I make them untidy . Remember the erasers and how after vigorous rubbing, there was a hole in the page ?  Do I want that or something as beautiful as the  slam book which we still cherish ? 

Every year I make resolutions in January. 

Some are met and some are not. Some recur ... like losing weight, exercise etc...  Unlike some cynical people, I still keep them, because even if I don't hit the target, I am at least improving. What say ?

This year, I have thought of giving a different punch to my resolutions.  A few different strokes.  

• Don't say "I don't have time" : Yes , I have time . 24X7 = 168 hours in a week . So, if I spend 40 hours in a week on work,  50 hours for sleep, 10 hours for misc. activities, still there will be 68 hour for me to spend ! And that is not a small number. So, whenever I utter the words "I don't have time" , I will stop and think. "Is it so ? Or is this not in my priority list ?"

• Free the way : Enough of hustling and jostling.  Everyone is in a hurry. I am in a hurry. I want to pause. Take a deep breath. Smile. Let the other car merge ahead of me. While pausing, I will free the way for others. I wil take the opportunity to spend more time with my loved ones. Do at least 1 act of kindness every week. I will free the way for others as well as for myself . I will set myself free from the clutches of social media. I will meet my friends physically more often. I will not limit myself in anyway . I will speak the truth and convey my mind and feelings whenever and whatever I want to, without mincing words or without thinking what will the other person think.    

• Measure regularly : I have been bad at measuring my goals.  This year I will measure and track regularly and take corrective actions. Have I written the blog post on Wednesday ? Did I spend enough time on my writing ?  I will track diligently and regularly in a planner

• Take better care : ... of myself. This year I plan to be a bit selfish about myself. I will try to put myself first.  I will handle myself delicately. My feelings, my thoughts, my health, relationships which matter .  Drop a few kilos, get a new haircut,  protect my "me" time , read the novel which has been sitting on the table for a while, listen to 2-3 TED talks a week, get the long pending operation done, go to a wellness centre for a week  ....  So, 2017, here I come ... I will be a better "me" ... both physically, mentally and spiritually !

• Grow more and reflect : This is one of my recurring goals and I have made quite good progress on this for the past 3-4 years. This year, I want to ow more take it to the next level. I want to grow  more in the area of writing - publish my book. I will complete my dissertation and put honest effort on this.  I will spend time on self reflection ... try to figure out the million dollar question "What do I want ? " 

These are few of my thoughts which I will blow up to create small measurable tasks.  And then I will  put them in black and white and start my weekly tracking !

I am all set for writing beautiful words in the blank 365 pages and create fond memories for a better tomorrow. 

What about you ? Are you ready ?

Cheers and happy new year again !

Break Free from your Prison

Though it may sound strange, but fear is a common emotion which plays at workplace. 

Fear of losing your job. 

Fear of letting go of the knowledge to others. 

Fear of someone overtaking you in the office hierarchy.  

Fear of your boss 

Fear of your  peers.  

Fear of change 

Fear of losing a valuable team member.  

Fear of a smart subordinate. 

Fear of losing power ….

Fear changes how we see the world and how we treat others. 

Fear creeps in a gradual, subtle way, but with very very harmful effects.

Fear should have  no place in our workplaces or our families.

 

First and foremost, fear is harmful for our health. Both mental and physical. It generates a hormone named adrenalin , which acts as a chemical messenger which says “RUN” ! Adrenalin makes blood pressure go up and heart rate increase so that you can deliver more blood to your brain, muscles, and the other parts of the body important to survival. If this happens too frequently or over a continuous stretch of time, the body and mind become weak.

Secondly, fear creates a dampening field that blocks positive interpersonal behavior. Respect and care gets replaced with fear and sometimes hatred. When we become fearful, we narrow the scope of the respect and care we offer to only those around us who do not elicit our fear response. 

Third,  When we are fearful, we spend time trying to protect ourselves rather than reaching for our potential, and that reduces job satisfaction and productivity.  The damaged job satisfaction and productivity that are common in fear-based relationships translate into damaged organizational results

Fourth, fear leads to unethical choices . Fear is the toxic ingredient in many failed leadership strategies. When we are  fearful, we’re not at our best. We’re not thinking clearly. When we’re just trying to protect ourselves, we may quickly “rule out” positive strategies that would help us solve collective problems – including dialogue, cooperation, long-term thinking and listening to understand.

If we think someone or some group is “dangerous” or “harmful,” we do not want to get close enough to understand them.

Great leaders respect others AND differences.  If they begin to become fearful of a person or group, they recognize the signs, step back to examine their motives, and shift their thinking.

If ever fear creeps in, you become a slave of the situation or the person  whom you are fearing. 

The control of your life and emotions then goes in their hands. You become a prisoner of your fears.

Face your fears and erase them.

Never compromise on respect.

Never ever be dominated by fear.   Only you can set yourself free ....

Cheers and a Happy New 2017 !!

How to deal with Negative Feedback

A few weeks ago, I experienced an extreme case of an employee not being able to take negative feedback. He had been performing poorly for quite some time and he was given feedback by his manager time and again. As is usual with a person who cannot take feedback, he did not improve at all.  After a few months,  his boss then involved his senior manager to have a conversation with the employee. For anonymity I will call him Offendix. 

This is how the conversation went : 

"Offendix,  you have been given feedback a multiple times about not performing well , but we see no improvement "

"I HAVE performed well. It seems everybody is out to get me !"

"No. We have shown you the data , Offendix ! It clearly proves the point !"

Offendix is silent for a moment . 

"But, the data may be incorrect . I have done well on dates blah, blah m blah and for tasks blah blah, blah .. "

"You have not improved !"

"There is nothing to improve ! There is politics in the situation. No one else is being treated like this!"

All of us have experienced the situation when negative feedback is dished out to us.  It is how we deal with it . Almost like looking at a glass and thinking it to be half full or half empty. 

No one likes negative feedback. 

And it takes a lot of maturity, positivity and experience to handle these situations. The most common reaction is of denial , just like Offendix.  We might have read so many articles on how not to react, but this feeling comes almost involuntarily.  We think we cannot go wrong and the other person is just showing his power and position to put us down. 

But usually that is not the case. 

In most of the cases, feedback is given so that we can improve. 

We might not like it but the key is to listen. And, usually, when we listen, at the back of our mind we are defending ourselves and preparing for the rebuttal.  We should try to listen with an open mind. Listen to what is being said . It is also a good idea to separate out facts from opinion.  Offendix had been given the data from the project plan when he could not meet the deadline. He was also given the data where numerous bugs were detected in in code . These are facts !  And there can be opinions - for example - "I did not like the way you conducted the meeting " .

Another way to conduct yourself, if possible ,  is not to provide justification on the spot. It is always a good idea to take a bit of time and then talk to your supervisor about it . It is perfectly justified to say " I get your point . But maybe, I am getting a bit defensive. I have noted down the points. Can I talk to you tomorrow ? " This will show your maturity and it will be an indicator that you have listened to the feedback and are considering it important.  

Here is where the facts and opinion data will come in handy.  

You can frame questions like ,"In your opinion , I did not conduct the meeting properly . I think I started blaming Mr X . Is there anything else you can point out ? " Or " The bugs which have been marked against me, two of them were due to my negligence but the other two were due to the other changes being made  " . 

You will be more prepared and yes, you will be able to justify and clarify your points as well. 

In my experience, mostly, it depends a lot on how the feedback is given.  Most of the times , I hear things like "It is not about the feedback , but the way it was told to me ... " . 

Yes, there are people in all organizations  who of are egoistical and take advantage of their position, but when the feedback is being given, you should listen and not interrupt. But yes, in that case, take it with a pinch of salt or sugar ! Remember, you are a professional ! Behave like a pro !

Another point -  do not take it personally.  It is like if you fall sick and you go to a doctor who advises you to quit smoking.  You will not like it. But you know that it is for your good.  

Having said all this, one last word of caution. 

Know that  these only apply to constructive, well-meant criticism. 

Unfair and overly negative feedback is also used as a tool by bad managers and workplace bullies to demean and control others. Though not always possible, do not put up with personal and unfair attacks at workplace. 

Mind you, I have said "attacks" and not "feedback". .

We all desperately need feedback – both positive and negative. 

Tell me what I do well AND tell me what I can do better. 

Cheers !

The Dilemma of the inexperienced Daughter-in-law

I am writing the dilemma series after a long time . 

This case is a real one and I need your help on this .... 

Recently I attended a four day workshop on Developing leadership potential among women professionals in one of the most premier institutes of the world. In the workshop we had an "inside-out" session. It was an emotional experience where the participants spoke about their innermost feelings and recounted a few of their life changing event and problems. 

This was narrated by one of the participants and I found it really unique and wanted to share it with my readers. I have changed the names to keep anonymity. 

Alpana , an engineering graduate was wed in a business family. They owned a multi-specialty hospital . It was run by her Mother-in-law, her husband and her elder brother-in-law.  Alpana was also inducted into the organization as a Technical Director.  She was young and inexperienced but had a lot of enthusiasm and zeal. When she took over the post, she was very motivated and gave several new ideas and suggestions . She was modern and technical and hence her thought process was also technically inclined. But after a few days, she was dismayed to find that none of her suggestions had been taken seriously and there seemed no plans to implement the same. 

Her mother-in-law ruled the administration of the hospital. 

Her decision was the last word.  Whenever Alpana said something, she was dismissed very subtly , indicating that she did not have the adequate experience and the knowledge. Her husband looked after the sales and marketing and was out on tour most of the times. So, he was unable to empathise with her dissatisfaction and said that she should learn from his mother !

At her  brother-in-law's suggestion, she enrolled herself in a Executive MBA course and came out with flying colours . But this too did not change the situation and neither did the attitude of her family changed.  

She became so frustrated that she contemplated quitting her post and sit at home !  At that very juncture, Alpana's mother-in-law became severely ill and the doctors suggested her bed rest for 4-6 months. 

It was March - financial year end and lots of work needed to be done. Alpana rolled up her sleeves and dived into the work. She worked very hard , went through each and every file meticulously. She herself was surprised when she was able to take tough decisions . She guided the staff and the staff started respecting her. She implemented automation in the accounts, purchase and a few other departments. Within the next two months,  some of the cumbersome processes became smoother and faster.  Customer satisfaction improved. Alpana spent time with the staff and talked to the customers so that she knew what was happening on the floor. 

Within 3 months, she was being consulted for important decisions by the senior members of the hospital. The function heads started looking at her as their boss.  

Alpana was glad that she was doing a good job. She was satisfied that she could hold the business together in the time of crisis. 

But ... 

After 6 months, her mother-in-law was back at work ...

She did not like Alpana being treated as the boss and started removing her from important emails.  She made sure that the function heads reported to her and not to Alpana. 

Things were back to square one !!

Now, here is the dilemma ... what should Alpana do ? 

Should she fight for her position ... if yes , how ? Remember, she is not just an employee ... her family life is also associated with her work life ... 

Should she quit and work somewhere else ?

What should Alpana do ? 

Dear Readers, help in the decision making and put your remarks in the comments !

Hear the Unheard

Back in the third century A.D., King Ts’ao sent his son, Prince T’ai, to the temple to study under the great master Pan Ku. Because Prince T’ai was to succeed his father as king, Pan Ku was to teach the boy the basics of being a good ruler. When the prince arrived at the temple, the master sent him alone to the Ming-Li Forest.

After one year, the prince was to return to the temple to describe the sound of the forest. When Prince T’ai returned, Pan Ku asked the boy to describe all that he could hear. “Master,” replied the prince, “I could hear the cuckoos sing, the leaves rustle, the hummingbirds hum, the crickets chirp, the grass blow, the bees buzz, and the wind whisper and holler.” When the prince had finished, the master told him to go back to the forest to listen to what more he could hear. The prince was puzzled by the master’s request. Had he not discerned every sound already?

For days and nights on end, the young prince sat alone in the forest listening. But he heard no sounds other than those he had already heard. Then one morning, as the prince sat silently beneath the trees, he started to discern faint sounds unlike those he had ever heard before. The more acutely he listened, the clearer the sounds became. The feeling of enlightenment enveloped the boy. “These must be the sounds the master wished me to discern,” he reflected.

When Prince T’ai returned to the temple, the master asked him what more he had heard. “Master,” responded the prince reverently, “when I listened most closely, I could hear the unheard—the sound of flowers opening, the sound of the sun warming the earth, and the sound of the grass drinking the morning dew.” The master nodded approvingly. “To hear the unheard,” remarked Pan Ku, “is a necessary discipline to be a good ruler. For only when a ruler has learned to listen closely to the people’s hearts, hearing their feelings uncommunicated, pains unexpressed, and complaints not spoken of, can he hope to inspire confidence in his people, understand when something is wrong, and meet the true needs of his citizens.

The demise of states comes when leaders listen only to superficial words and do not penetrate deeply into the souls of the people to hear their true opinions, feelings, and desires.”

The real challenge of leadership lies in the intangibles.  Our senses are not tuned to ‘hear the unheard’. The real challenge in organizations comes from the units that are generally silent, not vocal and who even when neglected never crib nor complain. As leaders we tend to take silence for granted or wrongly believe that all is well. 

** This is a Chinese Parable which has been translated by W Chan Kim.