3 ways to handle Stress

Yesterday evening ,  during my customary call with my daughter, she sounded very low.  

"Ma, I am stressed ! Too much workload. So many expectations , the sheer volume of files is really burning me out ! "

She is a class 1 officer in  Indian Railways, posted in  Mumbai.  She is new to the place and trying to cope up with the driven work culture of Mumbai.  On top of that, her boss is going for a year long study leave and she apprehends that she might be put in charge of the entire department.  So, the current work and the fear of the unknown future had bogged her down. 

I tried to reason with her that stress is an inevitable part of life and sometimes stress can be good for you.  Too much stress is bad . When the situation is very stressful, it blocks your productivity and learning. It dampens your enthusiasm and initiative at work and has an adverse effect on health.  Too much stress, called distress or chronic stress, can bring on certain diseases and disorders, make existing pain and chronic illnesses worse, and lead to such problems as depression, isolation and burnout. 

To check whether you are stressed or not, ask yourself the following questions :

1. Are you feeling overwhelmed and helpless  - like there is nothing that you can do to resolve the situation ?

2. Do you feel hopeless ?

3. Do you want to hide or escape  from the stressors by external things like alcohol and food or isolating yourself from the world ?

If the answer is yes to these questions, that means you are deeply stressed and need help.  We all should be aware of ourselves and take the necessary action before the situation engulfs our lives. 

"But how do I manage the stress ? " she asked .

• You  be feeling pressure because you are involved in three or more complex work projects at the moment, but at the same time, these work projects are providing you a lot of meaning and purpose. Rather than seeing them as stressors, view them as rewarding opportunities that you’d rather have in your life .

• When  stress pressure is just too much. Your health is worsening. Your relationships are becoming more tense  In such situations, it can be helpful to select one of your many pressures and reduce it. After you zero in on one pressure, use your judgement and critical thinking to consider ways you can lighten its load.

• When you consider taking on a new project ask yourself: Will this new project or new action help me or harm me? Of course such ideal situation rarely occurs – usually the situation is forced upon you.  But this question allows you to be fair and kind to yourself and to keep your pressures from growing out of control.
  
  

And of course , last but not at all the least, learn to say “No”.

Shapes in the clouds and Artificial Intelligence

Two weeks back, I had gone to Arunachal Pradesh to visit the famous Tawang monastery . It was a week long trip and involved a lot of travel through the numerous hills of the Himalayas. The roads were not very good, but we forgot about the wobbly ups and down as we looked through the window of our SUV. It was absolutely mesmerizing. Thick cover of huge green trees, streams of crystal clear water gurgling beside the winding mountain roads, yellow, red, orange blossoms all over and white clouds in the clear blue sky .  The mountain weather is treacherous.  It can be bright and sunny and the next moment,  black clouds or white mist can cover you up. 

During road trips, I always tend to indulge in cloud spotting.  I see faces, shapes of mountains, rivers, dinasaurs, penguins, horses,   or incidents from the past. Sometimes I explain these images to the people travelling with me and all of us amused and entertained . The scientific name is Pareidolia - which means the tendency to interpret a vague stimulus as something known to the observer. In fact, emoticons, which are the norm these days in social media is also a form of pareidolia. 

They say that it is a type of illusion of the brain. But somehow, I do find connections . Strange things do happen, even if we cannot explain it always . For example, in the late nineteen fifties, Friedrich Jorgensen, a Swedish opera singer bought a tape player to record his voice. When he played the recording, he heard strange noises- something like whispers that sounded like supernatural messages. After a few years, he recorded birdsong. This time, he heard the voice of his deceased mother in the background whispering to him: “Fried, my little Fried, can you hear me? It’s Mammy.” Later he did research on EVP ( Electronic Voice phenomenon) and spent his life communicating with the spirits.  One of the world's greatest scientist and inventor, Thomas Edison created a "ghost machine" to communicate with the dead! 

In 1994, Diane Duyser from Florida experience another paranormal encounter. After biting into a slice of toast and placing it back down on the plate, she noticed the face of the Virgin Mary in it.

In 1978, a woman from New Mexico had a similar experience. Her tortilla’s blackened spots resembled Jesus’s face. 

Many scientific minds profess that these illusions are the human brain seeking patterns and rules and if it cannot find a pattern , then it invents one so that we see the face of Virgin Mary on a toast or  a familiar face in the clouds. It is called "Clustering illusion" , where our brain try to recognize a pattern. 

But now with the buzz of Artificial Intelligence and Machine learning all around us, are we not trying to do the same thing ? The basic principle pf machine learning and deep learning is that the machine is fed with loads and loads and loads of big data so that an algorithm can be evolved. This algorithm always looks for a pattern on which they can base their decision for the next course of action. If we are trying to mimic the human brain , then will the machines also be prone to these illusions ? In that case, what will the sceptics say ? Will they accept the logic and the reasoning of the machines more than those of the human beings ? 

Interesting times are ahead. We have to wait and watch .

Let me end this post with another uncanny and bizzare event which is very difficult to explain by human brain but maybe after a few years machines with Artificial Intelligence will be of some help.

James Dean was killed in a terrible car accident in September 1955 while driving his Porsche. After the accident, things started happening that couldn’t be explained and the car itself was declared extremely unlucky. When the car was being towed away from the accident, it was taken to a garage. While at the garage, the engine fell out of the car, crushing the legs of the mechanic working on the car. The engine was sold to a doctor who put it in his race car. The doctor was then killed in a race accident. The garage that the Porsche was repaired in ended up being destroyed by a fire. As if that wasn’t enough, the Porsche was on display at a museum. While on display, it fell off the mount and broke the hip of a teenager there to view the car. After this incident, the car was being towed to Oregon, where it fell off the tow bar and crashed through the front of the shop it was parked in front of. All of these things added up seem like a lot of terrible coincidences. But in 1959, the car was sitting on steel supports where it was found broken into 11 pieces !! 

For Richa

For Richa

Girl,

The stepping stone has been laid,

It is time to fly high,

Dream big, aim for the stars,

But never let go of the “Why”.

You will be hailed

Then You will be judged,

You will be watched

And you will be “typed”,

But girl , hold tight to your dreams

And stride ahead with a smile.

There is nothing which you cannot do,

Do not let anyone tell you so,

Go for it , grab the day –

But never let your humility go.

The road is long,

The walk is steep,

There are hurdles in the way ,

There are pauses in the sail.

There will be times when you would want to quit,

There will be tides which you would want to miss.

Girl, pause if you must –

But never ever lose your grit.

One day when you reach your aim,

As you smile and relish your fame,

Close your eyes for a moment and remember these days -

And girl, do not forget the smiles and the tears,

of the hands which moulded your years.

Go ahead girl and conquer the game,

Help the world be a better place.

Be a spark and light the lamps ,

Run and win –

But girl , also be a good human being .

***

Richa has stood 4th in India in ISC (12th), 2019 (99.3%)

Life Stories - Love

It was a usual busy day for Jenny.  She adjusted the nurses white cap  on her head  , looked at the chart in her hands and went to bed number 19  . 

"Hey , how are you ? " Jenny smiled at the petite lady on the bed.  The patient smiled weakly at her.  Her smile was angelic. 

"Hmmm ... today I am feeling a bit uneasy",  Ranu put her hands on the swollen belly.

Jenny looked at the pulse and softly touched the upper portion of Ranu's stomach Then she put on her stethoscope listened. She should inform the doctor, Jenny thought. Maybe today is the date. 

Ranu was 25 years old and it was her first pregnancy. She had been married 18 months back. Her husband Ashok worked in South Eastern Railway as a loco pilot. Ranu and her husband stayed in the staff quarters in the Garden Reach Railway Colony , Calcutta. Five days back , when Ranu experienced a sudden spasm in her lower abdomen, she was admitted in the Central Railway Hospital in Garden Reach. 

Jenny was the ward nurse for the female ward. She was intelligent, competent, smart and possessed a great presence of mind - the key qualities of a good nurse. 

Jenny quickly contacted Dr. Burman and updated him about Ranu. 

"I will come immediately, in the meantime, please inform his family" , the doctor said . 

Jenny paced her way to bed number 19 and looked at Ranu. Ranu was trying to sit. Jenny smiled and helped her sit. 

"Is everything OK ? " 

"The doctor is coming in a few minutes", Jenny smiled brightly and held Ranu's hands , "You might become a mother soon !"

Ranu paled.

"I ... I .. want to talk to my husband ... ", she looked pleadingly at Jenny. 

"I have already informed your husband ... he will be here soon .. ", Jenny assured her. 

The doctor  checked Ranu and looked at Jenny .  "You were right sister she has to be operated tomorrow morning . Do the formalities  and get her ready for the  c-section . "

Jenny nodded.  " Right Doctor, will do !" 

Jenny looked at Ranu, who looked listless. 

"Don't you worry . You are in expert hands !"  Jenny smiled, "Your husband will be here at 7 pm . And you will be operated tomorrow at 8 am. he has to to sign a few documents - just formality In the meantime, please remove any ornaments that you have on you - the earrings, the ring, the bangles any foreign article that you are wearing. We will hand over these to your husband"

"Ok .."

Jenny looked at the checklist . The points listed there were almost imprinted in her memory, but the process demanded that the checklist should be completed. 

She put tick marks on the checklist. 

"Are you wearing contact lenses? "

"No"

Jenny checked off the point .

"Do you have dentures ? " Jenny did not look at Ranu as she was sure of her answer. Ranu was just 25 years old and Jenny was sure that dentures would be the last thing that she would have. 

Silence.

Jenny looked up. Ranu was fidgeting with her fingers. 

"Yes or No ? "

Ranu looked down . Tears spilled from her eyes. 

"Hey, what's wrong ? " Jenny sat beside her . "Are you OK ? "

Ranu nodded her head and looked at Jenny . She slowly opened her mouth and pulled out her dentures. The two front upper teeth and the two below. 

Jenny was a bit shocked but being an experienced nurse, she was quick to gain back her composure. 

"Why are you crying ? "

Between her sobs, Ranu told Jenny that her husband and no one in her in laws family knew that she wore dentures. 

In between her sobs Ranu said "Please , please , please sister, do not tell Ashok about my dentures.  My marriage will be ruined... " .

Jenny did not know what to say . As a rule, she would have to hand over the things to her family . 

Jenny gave a tranquilizer to Ranu and waited till she slept. 

Jenny was in a fix. She was in a dilemma.  She packed the dentures separately in a box. The rest of the things she kept in another bag.  She decided that she would give the dentures separately to Ranu's parents. Poor little thing . She was really sweet. God know how she lost those teeth, Ranu grimaced. 

Ashok came that evening at 8 pm. He met Ranu,but neither she talked with him nor smiled, just nodded her head. Jenny knew the reason. 

"The patient has been given some sedative as she was feeling a bit nervous ", Jenny told Ashok , "I think you should leave now. Please wait for 5 minutes outside, I will talk to you". 

As Jenny left, Ranu held her hands, her eyes pleading. 

Ashok was standing in the corridor, waiting for Jenny.  A nervous first-time-father-to-be. 

"Is everything OK, sister ? " 

"Yes ... er... I have to handover the articles to you ... her jewelry, watch etc ... By the way, are her parents expected to come tomorrow before the operation ? "

"No.. They stay in Bombay and her father is not too well. They will come later, after the delivery .. "

Jenny had no other choice. 

She took out the two packets and gave it to Ashok, along with the list of articles. 

Ashok looked incredulously at the dentures .

"What is this ? Ranu wears these ??? " He was aghast. 

"Sir, she had requested me not to tell you about these ... but ... I am bound ... "

Ashok was quiet for almost 5 minutes.

Then he slowly looked at Jenny . 

"Sister, will you please do me a favour ? "

"What ?" , Jenny was a bit wary. 

"Please do not tell her that you have given these to me and that I know about these dentures ... tell her that you had kept it with you and give it to her to wear after her delivery "

Jenny was genuinely surprised . 

"Why ? "

"Ranu will be very embarrassed if she knows that I know... " said Ashok , "Let this remain between you and me ... please sister ... ", he handed over the packet to Jenny and walked away .

Jenny looked at him with misty eyes. 

She walked towards her cupboard and kept the dentures carefully.  

These were the moments which made her fall in love with her job all over again.

****

These are true life incidents recounted by a nurse in one of my motivational workshops.  The names have been changed for anonymity.

Right or wrong ?

Last Monday, I was conducting a motivational workshop for a group of nurses. I follow the methodology of experience sharing and real life situation discussions. Most of the times, the solution to the problems are discovered by the participants themselves  from these discussions. And for me, this experience sharing is a great learning tool.  

In this post, I will share one incident which was shared in this workshop. It left an impact on my mind and made me wonder about what is right and what is wrong. 

Durga Puja is the biggest festival in Bengal. It is actually a sort of four day carnival , where the Bengalis just freak out. They wear colourful new dresses, indulge in eating , music , dance, drama , meeting relatives and exchanging gifts . The offices, school and colleges  are closed at least for a week and many people plan their vacation around that. It is also quite difficult to get doctors and nurses during that time. 

This being a Government run hospital, the nurses have to adjust their leaves so that there is a minimum strength in each shift.  Just a day before the start of the Puja, an old lady was brought in the hospital by her son. She had severe diarrhea,  he said.  After a while, the son left, saying that some emergency has cropped up at home and he had to leave immediately. 

The old lady, around 80 years old was admitted and given a bed in the general ward.  She was hard of hearing and could not walk without anyone's support. When asked any question, she gaped at the nurses , nodded her head and smiled.  It seemed that she was enjoying the company of the nurses. She sat on her bed, smiling, looking around her. She waved at the person lying on the next bed beside her.  At night she was given soup and khichdi (rice and pulses boiled together in a mush ). The old lady ate it with relish and had a good night's sleep. 

The next day, the nurse came and asked her "How are you feeling " ?

She said " uhh ? " 

The nurse raised her voice, came near her ears and repeated the question. 

She smiled.

"I am fine " , she smiled her toothless smile.

"During the night, how many times did you go to the washroom ?"

She raised her finger and said "Once". 

"But you are suffering from diarrhea, isn't it ? "

She smiled again, shook her head and said "Na To !" (It Means not at all in Bengali "

"Oh ! But your son admitted you for that !" The nurse was surprised. 

"Na, Na ... My son, daughter-in-law and my small grandson have gone to visit Darjeeling. They have got leave now.  There is no one at home to look after me, so they have brought me here... They will be back after two days ..."

When the nurse recounted this incident, many other nurses said that they too have had similar experiences. 

It was quite shocking for me. How could someone just abandon their mother like that , that too telling a lie. As this thought came to my mind, I tried to put myself in his son's shoes and tried out the "empathy" experiment which I do in,my workshops.  Well, the son thought that this was the best way to take care of his mother and also please his wife and son. 

But, what is right and what is wrong ? 

In some religion like Islam and Christianity, there is this concept of the Judgement day, where when a person dies, he or she is judged according to the rules laid down by the religion. Based on these, it is decided whether he will go to heaven or hell. 

In Hinduisim, there is no such concept. Here, every act has a consequence. And it is not always necessary that good act will have a good consequence and vice versa.  For example, in Gita,when Arjuna says that he cannot kill his own uncles and relatives,  Krishna tells Arjuna that the consequence of this bad act will be good. Hinduism tells us that the action is in your hands but the consequence is not.  During this life or after rebirth or after many births, the balance has to be struck.  It is like a balance sheet. The actions and consequences will always be matched. 

If I look from a moral angle, the son has done a wrong deed, by lying and almost abandoning his mother in a unknown place. But if I look from his practical and worldly angle,  he had done his best to keep everyone happy. 

Readers, what do you think ? Right or wrong ?

The smartest advise to manage your boss - The Nandi Effect

There are three kinds of people in this world. 

One who gets along with their boss . 

Second who are at logger head with their boss.

And the third kind who can manage their boss to suit mutual needs and get the work done. 

It is the rarest of the rare cases when the boss and the subordinate really really gel along naturally with each other. Usually the first kind of people are bootlickers and they are forever lying prostrate in front of their bosses, ready to do anything which their lord fancies. They are the typical "Yes managers" who neither have self respect and they turn their backs immediately once they understand that their boss has lost his position or power.  Their loyalty changes with the blink of an eye. 

The second kind of people never ever get along with their bosses. Since you cannot choose your boss, these kind of people's stay in the organization is usually short-lived. 

And then finally the third kind of people who manage their bosses.  These are the people who can make things happen, give valuable and correct feedback diplomatically and grow in their jobs. They stay in the system to make positive changes. 

In this blog post, I will talk about one very important tip to become the third kind of person. I call this the "Nandi Effect". 

For the readers who are not familiar with the Indian mythology, I will elaborate about "Nandi", the bull. 

Nandi the bull is one of the most iconic and well-known characters in Hindu mythology. The most common depiction of Nandi is a sitting bull with folded limbs. He is either black or white colored and wears a necklace with a bell. He provides the music to which Lord Shiva performs the Tandava or the cosmic creation dance.

There is hardly any Shiva temple which does not have the idol of Nandi in front of the main temple of Shiva.  And there is a curious custom.  

Before entering the Shiva shrine, the devotees whisper their prayers and wishes in the ears of Nandi. This ensures that their prayers get answered. 

How intuitive , isn't it ?

For you to be able to get your way with the boss, look around and figure out the people who are the closest to her.  The subordinates who are working with her for the day to day work , like her personal assistant, the person who is running miscellaneous errands for him, the subordinate who is the closest to her . 

Make them your friends. 

Take them into confidence . 

Gain their trust . 

Do it slowly over a period of time. 

These people are very important. 

There will be occasions when there are  some important decisions to be discussed with your boss. Something which is important for you or a bit out of the way which can be only handled by your boss.  In such similar situations, you should whisper your point and wish in the ears of your  boss's Nandi. 

If your rapport with the "Nandi" is good, then he will whisper your wishes in the boss's ears at the opportune time. Or he will tell you whether it will cut well with the boss or not and what might be the best way and the best time to put across your point of view. 

Remember, it is important to be honest and show your integrity. If ever your are found to be double crossing , you are doomed. 

So , go ahead and find the Nandi of your boss and see how smoothly you can manage your career moves !

A happy new year to all my readers and hope to be writing regularly. 

Your cheers and feedback will give me fuel to write better . 

So, do feed in your comments and let me know whether you like the posts or not !

The "Why" of Life

I was conducting a session on Stress Management for an organization. 

 During the break, I saw a participant of the workshop standing near me as if hesitating to talk to me.  He was in his mid thirties and had a peaky and disturbed look on his face.  As if I had not noticed, I kept on going nearer to him , talking to other people. And as I had guessed, one he found me alone, he came up to me and said " Mam, just wanted to tell you that your session is going on very well, but somehow , I don't know why, I can't relate with the things being said  ..I have recently lost my wife ... I don't see any point in going on further with my life ... I have nothing to expect from life anymore ... "

I found it very very disturbing. 

And in the next session of the workshop, I talked about the book by Victor  E Frankl , "Man's Search for Meaning "

Victor Emil Frankl (1905 – 1997) was a Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, devoted his life to studying, understanding and promoting “meaning.” His famous book, Man’s Search for Meaning, tells the story of how he survived the Holocaust by finding personal meaning in the experience, which gave him the will to live through it. He went on to later establish a new school of existential therapy called logotherapy, based in the premise that man’s underlying motivator in life is a “will to meaning,” even in the most difficult of circumstances. 

The key lesson's are these :

1. “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

Frankl and his fellow prisoners had to endure atrocities that many of us cannot even imagine. Prisoners had to survive on one small piece of bread a day and maybe some thin soup. They had to work 20 hours each day, digging and laying railroads and so on. If you looked weak, you were beaten. If you stopped working, you were beaten. And you didn’t get much of a second chance after that. You could be killed for any reason. Frankl talks about one inmate that had a dream that the war would be over on March 30th. He told this to Frankl at the beginning of the month and had hopes that his dream was a premonition that would come true. However, on the 29th, when no sense of an ending was coming, this inmate became ill. On March 31st, Frankl writes that “his prophecy came true and he died”. The war was over for him.

To all outward appearances, he had died of typhus. It wasn’t typhus that had killed him. It was his loss of hope.  On the other hand, there was an inmate who had a small kid waiting for him. He had a purpose to live and he lived. 

2. "Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which a man can aspire"

Frankl himself endured the camps by thinking constantly of his wife who had been separated from him long ago and sent to a female camp. Even in the harshest parts of the day, exhausted, sleep-deprived, overworked, underfed, Frankl found salvation in the love that he had for his wife: "But my mind clung to my wife’s image, imaging it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise"

Frankl learned that love really does conquer all. The sadistic guards could do anything they liked to him. It didn’t matter. He had his loving wife’s image in his mind for company. Love was an antidote to pain.

3. "Suffering too has a meaning"

Frankl argued that we always have the freedom to find meaning through meaningful attitudes even 

in apparently meaningless situations. For example, an elderly, depressed patient who could not 

overcome the loss of his wife was helped by the following conversation with Frankl:

Frankl asked "What would have happened if you had died first, and your wife would have had to  survive you ?"

"Oh," replied the patient, "for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!"

Frankl continued, "You see such a suffering has been spared her; and it is you who have spared her  this suffering; but now, you have to pay for it by surviving her and mourning her." 

The man said no word, but shook Frankl's hand and calmly left his office. 

There are three ‘whys’ that stand out from Frankl’s writing:

·         Love 

·         Work 

·         Dignity in suffering

We have likely heard many people utter these words from a concentration camp prisoner:

 “I have nothing to expect from life anymore”. 

In fact, we have probably uttered these words ourselves.

Many of our own darkest moments look positively radiant when compared to that which POWs like Frankl had to endure .....

So if ever you lose hope, think about Frankl and find the "Why" of your life  and say "Yaay " to life !

How to outperform in stressful situations - Autopilot !

Last week I conducted a test on Principles of Management for Calcutta University. After the exam, before calling it a day, I went to the wash room to freshen myself. There I found one of the brightest students of the class , sobbing and after seeing me , tried to camouflage her grief by splashing water on her face. I pretended ignorance and did not ask her anything. After a few minutes, suddenly she blurted out "Mam, why does this always happen to me ? I study so hard , so so well in class participation but when I am appearing for a test, my mind goes blank. I try so hard to concentrate , do well , but usually I buckle under the pressure. Why mam, why ? " And she cried inconsolably.  I just held her tight . 

This blog is dedicated to all of us who at some time or the other have choked under pressure - just like the bright young student of mine. 

So why does it happen? Why do we sometimes fail to perform up to what we're capable of when the pressure is on? It may not be so surprising to hear that in stressful situations, we worry. We worry about the situation, the consequences, what others will think of us. But what is surprising is that we often get in our own way precisely because our worries prompt us to concentrate too much ! 

 

That's right -- we pay too much attention to what we're doing. When we're concerned about performing our best, we often try and control aspects of what we're doing that are best left  outside our conscious awareness, and the consequence is that we mess up.

I remember my meeting with Anand Kumar - the celebrated educationist who is best known for his Super 30 program. The program claims to select 30 meritorious and talented candidates each year from economically backward sections of society and trains them for the IIT Joint entrance exams - one of the toughest exam in the country.  Super 30 has a hit rate of 99.99 % success. As an answer to my question that what was the secret of the stupendous success of Super 30 , the gentleman had smiled and softly said "Leave yourself  on autopilot at the time of the final performance !"

"What ? Autopilot ?" , I was confused. 

He smiled again . 

"Yes ! The key is to practice and build yourself up so that you are at your peak performance at the moment when it is needed the most. At that time, your mind should work automatically, unconsciously, without having to concentrate or worry about the result. That is autopilot mode !".

The stress of wanting to do really well makes you self-conscious, Your mind is  driven by worry, fear, and anxiety. Your over focus becomes a force of destruction that interferes with your natural and practiced flow as you start paying too much attention to what you're doing. And then starts the downhill journey of your performance.

Our working memory, just like a computer's Random Access Memory (RAM), is a limited resource. When we start letting anxious, worried thoughts intrude in our brain, we deplete major mental resources that could be better used anywhere else than over-thinking  every move.

So,  what should we do ? Here are some tips which I have gathered from my own personal experiences.  I share them below : 

1. Practice Under Stress : Good and sincere people work hard for tests, practice before performances . But it is important to keep in mind whether they are performing under stress or not. For example, if we are appearing for an exam,  we have to practice writing mock tests and try to emulate the same environment of the actual tests - like time limitations, writing conditions and evaluate ourselves on that. Before any performance on stage or presentation to customers or senior management  , we should practice in front of somebody who can critique us. If no one is available, record your performance and scrutinize yourself.  And of course it goes without saying that you have to Practice, Practice and Practice , till you feel that you are ready for the autopilot mode !

2. Do not dwell on the past and neither in the future :  Take failures as hurdles which have helped you to learn how to go about problems . Do not let them stop you from trying again. Dream big but do not  dwell on what might happen in future. I know it is easier said than done but living in the present moment is what we all should strive for.  Once you have the answer paper infront of you or the moment you are standing in front of an audience, live the moment. You have already practiced a lot . So come in the autopilot mode - live the moment. Remember Shah Rukh Khan's talk to his tennis team just before the final match? Forget the past and the future. Live the minute. Enjoy the moment !

3. Distract Yourself :  I know a person who always wears the same tie when he is going for an important client presentation.  There are people who have superstitions like humming a tune before the exam starts or keeping a flower or  a leaf with themselves before any important event. All these may be superstitions, hang on, I am not a proponent of superstitions , but as an example of busying our mind somewhere else, I say that they also serve the purpose of distracting our minds and prevents us from focusing too much on the consequences and the upcoming stressful situation.  This is one of the reasons that you might have heard your elders say that do not study on the day before the examination. Read a book, listen to a song etc. so that your mind is distracted. This slight distraction helps us cope up with the stressful situation and come to our super efficient autopilot mode !

What happens in our heads really matters, and knowing this, we can learn how to prepare ourselves and others for success, not just in the classroom and stage  but in the  boardroom as well.