The peculiar advantage of talking to strangers

A few days back , my husband and I were getting ready to go for a get together of his school alumni.

He fidgeted . 

"There will be so many people whom I have not met for years . There will be their spouses and many people from different batches who are literally strangers to me " he grumbled. 

Not getting any response from me, he continued. 

"I know you are not bothered. You can strike up a conversation with anybody , even if they are strangers and happily chat with them and come back content !" 

I smiled. He was right. I had this uncanny knack of  striking up conversations with strangers. In fact , I quite like it. I like knowing about people , their feelings and all sorts of information about them. 

My daughter and my husband are sometimes exasperated and sometimes amazed . 

"Ma !" Minnie , my daughter says "In a 10 minute conversation, you have found out so much ! Really ...!". And sometimes , when she finds me talking and asking questions, she rounds up her eyes at me indicating to stop. 

I like to talk to strangers.  I find it strangely relaxing.

In the fleeting moments , I get to see a glimpse of a new persona. Everyone is unique. Each one of us have different feelings , emotions, exaltation and frustrations. And sometimes even with one sentence, one word or even a small facial twitch or slant of lips , expression in the eyes, many things are spoken. And these are the little things I like to observe. These fascinate me. 

There are different types of strangers. One type is from a distinct group. For example people from my workplace or my spouse's workplace. Another type is for example our school , college alumni group . There can be people unknown to me in my hobby groups of dramatics and singing. In these sorts of groups , there is a common thread which binds us together and we can strike up a conversation using the same. 

Another type are people who are completely unknown to us. For example , if you are traveling - either train or bus or plane, people sitting beside you. Or you are walking or sitting in a park and smile at a person passing by. The conversation can start when both of you see a common thing and comment. Or if they have a baby with them or a pet and you talk with them instead of the person and then depending on the situation, conversation with the person continues.  

Talking to complete strangers can be very relaxing, interesting and exhilarating. Of course , not every conversation will be like that , but yes there will be instances when the communication will just flow seamlessly - just like a river in tide.

So how is it possible that we communicate so well with strangers? There are two reasons. The first one is that it's a quick interaction. It has no consequences. It's easy to be honest with someone you're never going to see again.  The second reason is quite interesting. We have a bias when it comes to people we're close to. We expect them to understand us. We assume they do, and we expect them to read our minds. With a stranger, we have to start from scratch. We tell the whole story, we explain who the people are, how we feel about them; we spell out all the inside jokes. And guess what? Sometimes they do understand us a little better. 

There have been occasions when people have told me something true to them , something really personal -  their deep longings or frustrations. And then after that they gave an incredulous look.

"I feel so relaxed now. I have not been able to talk about this to anyone ! Thanks for listening !" . 

The beauty of talking to strangers or unknown people is that we make unexpected connections ! Sometimes while talking to them  you disclose something which is lying deep inside a corner of your heart and then you hear the other person resonate your thoughts or share a similar experience which might liberate you. It  makes you understand the same thing in a very different light. 

So the next time you are in an the company of  a stranger, try giving a compliment.  

Just like Do-Re-Mi , that is the best way to start ! 

Cheers !

10 tips to deal with Organizational Politics

Several centuries ago, Pericles, a Greek Statesman said "Just because you do not take an interest in politics, it does not mean that politics won't take an interest in you !"

Whether you like it or not, you will have to deal with Politics. There is no organization where there is no politics.  

Organizational politics is defined as  Activities that are not required as part of one’s formal  role in the organization, but that influence, or attempt  to influence, the distribution of advantages or disadvantages within the organization. 

And Politics is not always bad.  You have to be in the system to change it. If you cannot deal with politics, you might be thrown out of the game .

The following are 10 tips to deal with Politics.

·  Foster relationships & Alliances: Relationships and alliances  can help you navigate the political landscape. You need to build up alliances well in advance of any political conflict. Good alliances helps us to be more aware of the going-ons and be prepared.

·   Every move should be for the best interest of the company: This is the  best thing you can do when in a politically charged company. No one can debate you motivation when it’s in the best interest of the company.

·  Always Tell the truth: However difficult the situation is , always tell the truth. You might feel that this will not make you look good and tempt you to skirt the issue. Make sure you have the facts straight and that you are striving to seek the truth about the situation.

·  Emails are not private: Be very careful about the written word. Email can be a curse in a political environment since it’s a record of half-baked ideas and half-truths. Use email sparingly. 

·   Stand up for yourself: When you right, let everyone know it. Don’t cower when someone attacks you. Rather, state the facts and be proud of how you handled the situation.

·       Agree to disagree: Sometimes a situation will descend into such chaos that the only solution is to agree to disagree. This should be your last alternative but it’s a powerful tool when you are deadlocked.

·     Help others: By helping others, you earn their trust and respect. You also earn their gratitude that will come in handy when you need help.

·  Be the peacemaker: It’s best that you get the reputation of someone who finds solutions to tricky problems. Being the peacemaker is one way to achieve that. Peacemakers are looked at favorably because they transcend the politics and focus on making progress.

·      Know When to Say “I don’t know”:  Saying I don’t know takes courage. It’s much better to say I don’t know than to try and make up an answer on the fly. When used correctly, those three simple words can diffuse a volatile situation for another day. Just be careful not to use it too much.

·    Admit when you are wrong: The power of admitting when you are wrong is seldom understood. When used correctly, it diffuses a politically charged situation within an instant. The trick is to use it sparingly since if you are wrong too often, people will start to question your competence.

Hope this helps !

Cheers !