The peculiar advantage of talking to strangers

A few days back , my husband and I were getting ready to go for a get together of his school alumni.

He fidgeted . 

"There will be so many people whom I have not met for years . There will be their spouses and many people from different batches who are literally strangers to me " he grumbled. 

Not getting any response from me, he continued. 

"I know you are not bothered. You can strike up a conversation with anybody , even if they are strangers and happily chat with them and come back content !" 

I smiled. He was right. I had this uncanny knack of  striking up conversations with strangers. In fact , I quite like it. I like knowing about people , their feelings and all sorts of information about them. 

My daughter and my husband are sometimes exasperated and sometimes amazed . 

"Ma !" Minnie , my daughter says "In a 10 minute conversation, you have found out so much ! Really ...!". And sometimes , when she finds me talking and asking questions, she rounds up her eyes at me indicating to stop. 

I like to talk to strangers.  I find it strangely relaxing.

In the fleeting moments , I get to see a glimpse of a new persona. Everyone is unique. Each one of us have different feelings , emotions, exaltation and frustrations. And sometimes even with one sentence, one word or even a small facial twitch or slant of lips , expression in the eyes, many things are spoken. And these are the little things I like to observe. These fascinate me. 

There are different types of strangers. One type is from a distinct group. For example people from my workplace or my spouse's workplace. Another type is for example our school , college alumni group . There can be people unknown to me in my hobby groups of dramatics and singing. In these sorts of groups , there is a common thread which binds us together and we can strike up a conversation using the same. 

Another type are people who are completely unknown to us. For example , if you are traveling - either train or bus or plane, people sitting beside you. Or you are walking or sitting in a park and smile at a person passing by. The conversation can start when both of you see a common thing and comment. Or if they have a baby with them or a pet and you talk with them instead of the person and then depending on the situation, conversation with the person continues.  

Talking to complete strangers can be very relaxing, interesting and exhilarating. Of course , not every conversation will be like that , but yes there will be instances when the communication will just flow seamlessly - just like a river in tide.

So how is it possible that we communicate so well with strangers? There are two reasons. The first one is that it's a quick interaction. It has no consequences. It's easy to be honest with someone you're never going to see again.  The second reason is quite interesting. We have a bias when it comes to people we're close to. We expect them to understand us. We assume they do, and we expect them to read our minds. With a stranger, we have to start from scratch. We tell the whole story, we explain who the people are, how we feel about them; we spell out all the inside jokes. And guess what? Sometimes they do understand us a little better. 

There have been occasions when people have told me something true to them , something really personal -  their deep longings or frustrations. And then after that they gave an incredulous look.

"I feel so relaxed now. I have not been able to talk about this to anyone ! Thanks for listening !" . 

The beauty of talking to strangers or unknown people is that we make unexpected connections ! Sometimes while talking to them  you disclose something which is lying deep inside a corner of your heart and then you hear the other person resonate your thoughts or share a similar experience which might liberate you. It  makes you understand the same thing in a very different light. 

So the next time you are in an the company of  a stranger, try giving a compliment.  

Just like Do-Re-Mi , that is the best way to start ! 

Cheers !